literature

Shadow's Misadventure Begins

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Literature Text

A Shadow stood reflecting upon his past under a tree overlooking the nearby city of Westopolis.

'Shadow the Hedgehog… Why does that name haunt me?' the black hedgehog began. He was always bad at opening lines, so he let that unoriginal one slip by, 'It's all I can remember… And that gruesome image.' Shadow cringed as he remembered some girl in Halloween costume-like attire being shot by a man wearing goggles intended for someone with six eyes, and Shadow's own voice yelling, "Maria!" (Though he didn't realize that his voice had abruptly changed.)

"Who am I? Why can't I remember anything? And who is this Maria?"

Suddenly, a runaway storm flew through the skies above Shadow. A giant hole formed in the clouds and several gray creatures fell into Westopolis through it, beginning a rampage, overturning cars, and setting fire to the city. This did not surprise Shadow in the slightest. Things like that always happen when he is deep in thought.

"Hm, look at how pathetic they are," he uttered, "I don't have time for these humans." Shadow turned his back on the city and began to walk away.

"Shadow…" whispered an ominous voice. Shadow's eyes shifted and he turned again to see a wide, dark gray, three-eyed floating alien before him.

"What the hell!"

"Hey, watch your mouth!" the whispery voice muttered, "But as you can see, the day of reckoning will soon be here. Find the seven Chaos Emeralds and bring them to me as promised!"

"Huh?" Shadow raised an eyebrow, "Who are you and how do you know I'm Shadow? And what are you talking about?"

But the strange alien just made the ground under Shadow explode. Shadow recoiled slightly and gathered his bearings as quickly as possible. He began to talk to himself, "Just what was that all about? If he says he knows the truth about who I am… Then like it or not, I have to believe him. The only way I'm going to get the secrets to my past, is to get those Chaos Emeralds!" And Shadow ran off to the now turmoil-ridden city, sensing that two Emeralds resided there.

He got within the heck-hole rather quickly. Objects you'd normally assume were safe spontaneously exploded, injuring several GUN soldiers. Shadow scowled as he picked up one of their guns.

"Hey, Shadow! Long time no see!" a familiar voice called. Shadow looked up and groaned. It was Sonic the Hedgehog, his 'favorite' adversary, "Looks like these black creatures mean business! We have to-"

"I'm busy right now, Sonic."

"Yeah, but you'll fend them off, right? Because you know, it's the right thing to do."

"And when have I ever done the right thing?"

Sonic began listing a small variety of things he did in Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic Heroes, and Sonic Battle, even though one would get the impression that Sonic Battle never happened through playing Shadow's game. The black hedgehog was shaking, desperately wanting to attack Sonic, but the gameplay forbade him.

"Actually, Sonic," said Shadow, "I have some personal things that I need to settle right now, or I wouldn't have even bothered coming here."

Sonic frowned, "Okay, Shadow, whatever you say." He turned to walk away. Shadow rolled his eyes.

"Damn Faker…"

"Whoa, Shadow!" Sonic stopped and turned around, somewhat outraged, "Whether you like it or not, there are kids out there that look to you as a role model! You better watch your mouth!"

"And what makes you think I give a damn about them?" the antihero seethed.

Sonic simply shook his head and ran off. Shadow let out a 'pft' and began searching for the Chaos Emeralds. He came upon one, but then his search turned fruitless until he came upon a one-eyed-alien that bared an uncanny resemblance to a certain water-type Pokémon.

"You're late, Shadow," it said, "From now on, my eye will observe you."

While Shadow was a little disturbed by this, he was aware that whatever these aliens were up to, they could tell him about his past. He had no choice but to obey them for now.

"Alright," the Starmie-like creature, also known as Doom's Eye, said, "You must disable ALL the humans, and their silly robots, too!"

Shadow raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"They are attacking our soldiers, the Black Arms, of course!"

"You call that attacking?" Shadow gestured toward a GUN soldier and a Black Arm standing about three feet in front of the man. The soldier had his gun pointed in the creature's direction, but somehow fired off to the side. The Black Arm then brushed up right against the front of the soldier's gun. The soldier continued to fire, but to no effect; the shots went in random, and even physically impossible directions. Doom's Eye just stared for a moment.

"Well, it'll be fun."

Shadow chewed his lip, then shrugged and shot the human. He immediately went down and starting crying for Shadow to spare him. Shadow didn't realize, though, on account of the fact that he was already shooting at other soldiers. Eventually, all the soldiers were too injured to fight. Shadow stood triumphant.

"Hmph," he said, "Now, I have gotten rid of all those humans for you. About time for you to tell me-"

"There's still one more left," Doom's Eye interrupted, "You must find and destroy him." Shadow stared blankly at the alien.

"…Please, I have no time for these games," said Shadow, "Now, if you'd only give me the Chaos Emerald and tell me about-"

"Step into the save point and teleport back to find the last human."

Black Doom obviously didn't care about whatever it was Shadow was going on about. He was a VERY thorough fellow, and wanted to make sure ALL of the humans and GUN's guard robots were gone.

Shadow grit his teeth and teleported through the save point. He scanned the area over and over, but to no avail; the last soldier was out of sight. Shadow began to get very, very irritated.

"Look, it's just one. Trivial. Soldier," he said, "Why don't we just forget about him? What could he possibly do by himself?"

Doom's Eye continued to ignore Shadow. In fact, our pro/antagonist hadn't realized it, but Doom's Eye hadn't shut up since he started following him.

"See, Shadow? The Black Arms are red and black, just like you…"

Shadow's eyes narrowed in frustration, "Do I look like I'm kindergarten?"

"It looks like the city's inhabitants have already fled," the Doom's Eye pointed out, even though it was a painstakingly obvious fact. Shadow's left eye twitched.

"Forget you and your stupid mission. I take orders from no one."

Doom's Eye did not hear Shadow, but continued pointing out the blatant. Shadow groaned angrily and stormed off, stealing the Chaos Emerald and continuing to walk away.

Meanwhile, back at the GUN base…

A young grunt entered the control room and saluted the Commander, "The black aliens have hit six major cities around the world, and every city is reporting significant damage and casualties. Among them, Westopolis has received the heaviest casualties, due to its weakened defense system. Downtown Westopolis has been almost completely destroyed. Unconfirmed sources have also reported seeing a black hedgehog in Westopolis."

The Commander turned around, looking very angry, "Shadow? I knew it! This is all Shadow's fault!"

The grunt looked confused, "There's no proof that Shadow was even involved."

"I don't care whether or not he's involved!" came the Commander's retort, a crazy look in his mismatching eyes, "It's Shadow's fault! There is no other criminal mastermind capable of such destruction!"

The grunt began trembling in his boots. "But I thought he was on our sid-"

"Just look at 'im, private!" yelled the Commander, pulling up a picture of Shadow on all of the surrounding monitors, "Look at him and tell me that you are not looking into the face of evil!"

The grunt looked at the picture, then smiled, "Actually, sir, I always thought he was an adorable little fella."

The Commander's face turned bright red. The grunt's eyes widened and his body tensed.

"I was just kidding, sir! He's evil if I ever saw evil, sir!"

"Good," the Commander said, devoid of any emotion, "Now, deploy the troops! And if you find Shadow with the black aliens… Kill them all!"

The grunt, still a little shaky from the previous situation, ran off to tell his comrades. The Commander turned around, a wicked smile on his face, "You can't fool me, Shadow… This time, you're mine."

- - -

Shadow walked down one of the last remaining quiet streets of Westopolis, carrying an Emerald in each hand. He was humming a little tune, trying to make himself any less annoyed than following the Doom's Eye made him. Unfortunately for Shadow, that's when a holographic image of Black Doom decided to appear in front of him.

"You have deliberately disobeyed me, Shadow," it whispered. Shadow rolled his eyes.

"I did everything your pathetic soldiers didn't," said he, "But it just wasn't good enough for you, was it? Who cares if one little robot or soldier gets by, anyway! And I mean besides you."

Black Doom looked slightly peeved. After a brief period of the alien just watching Shadow walk away with the Emeralds, he said, "You really don't remember anything, do you?"

Shadow stopped walking. "That's not true."

"Oh?" Black Doom mused, "Then what do you remember?"

"I remember Maria!"

"What do you remember about Maria?"

Shadow blinked a few times, then responded, "She was shot to death."

"Yes?"

"She wore blue."

"And?"

"She… was a girl."

The two just stared at each other for a good few seconds, neither having half an idea of how to return from that last exchange. Shadow began to walk away again, now past the floating hologram. Black Doom finally decided on what he would state next.

"…In time, in time. But now, there's no time to waste here. Go and access the United Federation's mainframe. Understand?"

"Got it," said Shadow, as if his mouth were being controlled by a bad role-player or a parody writer, because it's so like Shadow to take orders from random entities and/or dark incarnations of Omochao.

And so, Shadow's adventure begins.
A parody of the beginning of the Shadow the Hedgehog game. I wasn't going to post this anywhere, but some friends of mine convinced me. XP

Rated PG for mild language, beating up GUN soldiers, and brain-melting OOCness which is actually half the fault of the people who wrote the script for the game, and not completely my weird self this time.

Shadow (C) Sega.
© 2006 - 2024 Videociraptor
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her354's avatar
omg this is a really really good parody you have here.I dont know how long this took you but you really summarized shadow the hedgehog quite well here